Keanu Film Review


Like most right thinking folk, I’ve been planning on kidnapping a cat this summer.

I’ve even found someone else with a similar feline dilemma, so we’re going to steal each other’s cats to avoid being linked to our respective catnapping crimes.

You see, there was this cat I used to live with – and that’s definitely how he saw it – only he belonged to one of my housemates.

But as anyone who knows anything about cats could tell you, they choose who they belong to.

And the action addicted kitten in Keanu is no different.

Traumatised by a gang-land stand-off, Keanu swiftly takes to the streets after witnessing the execution of his previous owner / tuna-bitch over a large amount of white powder.

Like most cats, Keanu knows how to get his own way. So when he comes across a house he likes the look of, he just miaows outside the front door until someone lets him in.

Fortunately for Keanu, the guy who lives here is even more traumatised than he is.

Having recently been dumped by the girl he thought he loved, Rell quickly sets about replacing her with another cute, manipulative little monster.

But it’s far too early in the film for Rell, his cousin Clarence and Keanu to walk off into the sunset, and when Rell’s feline friend is mistakenly cat-napped by a rival gang, he and Clarence mount up and launch a rescue mission, faux gangster style.

Well, as gangster as a couple of George Michael loving brothers can get anyhow.

After seeing the trailer for Keanu, I decided this was the perfect film to help me execute my own cat-napping escapades this summer.

Alas, I didn’t manage to pick up too many tips, but at least the film’s pretty watchable – although, you’re going to be disappointed if you expect a kitten to play a starring role in Keanu.

I guess there are limits to the hours some cats will work these days.

What we get instead is a vehicle for the talents of american comedians Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key.

Playing a couple of characters that are even whiter than myself, Keanu trades heavily on ‘gangster’ stereotypes for laughs, as well as the latent insecurity of such alpha male posturing.

That, and Key’s love of all things George Michael.

This works pretty well for the first half of Keanu but, like so many other comedies, this routine tires by the second half.

Which leaves a cat who’s occasionally voiced by some other hollywood chap by the name of Keanu to pick up the slack.

If only he could have given me some tips on how to covertly pick up someone else’s cat too.

Jonathan Campbell

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Dates ‘n stuff

July 2016